wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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