Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize