He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
