if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Text me some of your sweat
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