Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
