So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
