It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
