well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
