The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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