I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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