If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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