Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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