it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
