do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
