why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
