I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize