WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
