I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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