Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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