you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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