i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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