my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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