just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
