I should be sponsored by Trojan
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
