if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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