I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I died a long time ago.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
