I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
