I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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