so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
