yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
