I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
