I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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