he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
