The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
