my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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