Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
