I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
