Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
