We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
