ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
