I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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