Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
