This is not my ceiling
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
