Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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