Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
