paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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