Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
