yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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