Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
