I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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