she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
