like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
