i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
they need to just BURY HIM!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
