I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
