New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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