I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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