Can Purell be used as lube?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
