I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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