My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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