that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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