I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize