Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
