saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
