i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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