i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
