i love accidental penises.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize