I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
