i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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