Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
