you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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