Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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