You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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