You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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