make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
