hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize
