Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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