Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
