I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
