I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
