when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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