I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
