Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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