Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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