update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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