Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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