And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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