And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
