thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
