Welp...herpes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
