I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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