Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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