My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
