i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
