i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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