If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
