I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
