Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
