We got so high we made milksteak
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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