take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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