Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
